Columbus, GA: Former ‘Gay Man Of The Year’ arrested on charges of stealing horse penises
A 54-year old Columbus, Georgia man who was crowned “Gay Man Of The Year” in 1993 has been arrested after he was caught by officers with over 30 horse penises in his car.
Simon Fitzpatrick was recognized as Gay Man Of The Year in 1993 for his services in championing research into AIDS, but in the years since he admits to have fallen from grace after he lost his job at a local meat packing plant.
“Tough times call for desperate measures and I’m ashamed to admit that I turned to a life of crime to survive.” Mr Fitzpatrick has a long rap sheet including charges of sexual harassment and arson. However, his latest crime may land him behind bars.
Mr Fitzpatrick was pulled over by traffic police for a random inspection, and officers were shocked to discover a blood stained back in the back seat of his car. Inside, they found over 30 horse penises which Mr Fitzpatrick admitted to having stolen from a local stable.
“The penis of the horse is the most succulent part,” he explained. “I was only stealing them for food and not for sexual pleasure.”
Despite Mr Fitzpatrick admitting his guilt he now faces charges of animal cruelty for his role in the penis thefts. “If I could turn back time I would have gone to a soup kitchen instead of stealing the tasty horse penises,” he said.